Headcanons

Apr. 28th, 2033 04:45 pm
bloodyjoyful: Beautiful and broken (Default)
  •  Strex provides Sunny Happy Pills™ to keep employees cheerful. If they don't take the pills, bad things happen . . .
  • Kevin's three eyes were replaced with solidified void by Strex, and the third was stitched shut. He now has trouble remote-viewing unapproved things.
  • No one in Desert Bluffs has clear memories from Before Strex.
  • While Cecil has tentacles, Kevin has large, spiderlike legs growing from his back--or from each other, if he needs a lot of them. This is completely normal, and he was born with them. Strex makes him hide them at all times, so they get nasty cramps.
  • Until Strex arrived, Desert Bluffs was actually much safer than Night Vale. Still weird, yes, but otherwise alright.
  • Kevin used to have a spouse. Thanks to Strex, Kevin killed said spouse and then forgot all about their relationship. (It may have been a scientist. Or Vanessa. Or just some random unfortunate.)
  • Vanessa was killed once the takeover was complete, because she was genuinely kind and friendly towards Kevin, and it was 'holding him back.' When Kevin says "most of us never woke up again" he's referring to being brainwashed
  • It has always rained blood in Desert Bluffs, but that used to be the only reason that everything was bloody.
  • Kevin has Loyalty And Happiness Implants™ that give him mild shocks if he stops smiling.
  • If and when Kevin is convinced that Strex is bad, he will have a nasty breakdown, then be just as happily eager to destroy the whole thing from within.
  • Kevin is the best fighter in Strex, although he probably doesn't know it, and he carries a knife that is supernaturally sharp.
  • StrexCorp workers get a single semi-random Work-Minimal Relaxation Day per month, for which they are not paid.
  • The real reason Kevin hates Lauren Mallard is that she was one of the first collaborators with StrexCorp. He no longer realizes that's the reason, though, so she just generally gets on his nerves now.
  • Kevin insists on wearing orange and yellow outfits, no matter how badly they clash with his, well, everything.
  • Kevin's teeth are jagged and dangerously sharp, and if need be he can bite people to death. He doesn't realize that this is strange.
  • As the Voice of his people, Kevin was the last holdout against Strex. The last few days he was free were nightmarish, and in a way it's better that he eventually gave in.
  • Not everyone in the Bluffs is quite as brainwashed as Kevin. The ones who still have some memory of their reasons for fighting back are very kind to Kevin, because he was their Voice.
  • Kevin has tattoos to remind him that he hates Strex. Sadly, they're written in a strange abhuman language that he no longer remembers how to pronounce, much less understand. (He also has spiderwebs tattooed on his elbows, but those are just tattoos. Probably.)
  • A severance package from StrexCorp involves beheading. Termination involves Terminators.
  • The owner of the Desert Bluffs bookshop is an Ardelia Lortz. The store's slogan is 'We are not, we have never been--and we will never be forgotten,' written in Vowel-Only Linear-B. There is no library in Desert Bluffs.
  • The Bluffs have a Sunshine Day-Lite Diner, a Desert Morning Arcade Fun Center, a StrexPet Park, etc.
  • Kevin is capable of staring directly into the sun, and always does so when praying.
  • Kevin drinks Black Blood of the Earth by the quart
  • It was Kevin who painted those spiraling orange triangles in the gorge in WALK. Or perhaps he hasn't done it yet . . .
  • Kevin's awareness that he was a rebel washes in and out like the tide.
  • Samantha King is the president of Desert Bluffs Business College, and she is a chunk of pahoehoe. Grandma Josephine befriends demons. Etc.
  • Animals are not allowed in the local park, which is why it is frequented only by cactae, dryads and ents.
bloodyjoyful: Beautiful and broken (Your Fullest Potential)
OOC Permissions:
Backtagging: Yes
Threadhopping: Depends on the situation.
Fourthwalling: Not a problem. Kevin has weirder things with his morning coffee. Literally.
Triggery things: Stuff involving sex is really not something I'm interested in. I can deal with most other things, unless giant pictures of insects are involved ;)
 
IC Permissions:
Hugs, etc: Sure! He's not always able to remember that hugs shouldn't be lethal, though..
Flirting: oO Why?
Fighting: Sure! He's a pretty good fighter, though, and he doesn't even slightly mind killing things. So try to avoid it.
Injuries: Nothing major, but small things are fine
Death: No
Psychic abilities: Lots! Er, that is, he's a bit psychic himself, so he's more able than average to resist. Also, his mind is kinda fucked up. Like, super-fucked up. He has memories missing, memories mutilated, memories of alternate universes, missing and mutilated memories of alternate universes . . . Even the best-kept of his memories are bizarre and often frightening, and not just because he's a brainwashed murderer.
Warnings: Kevin is a murderer. Kevin is probably not human. Kevin has Vague Radio Host Powers™. Kevin works for an evil brainwashing-happy organization that abducted him and drove him insane. Kevin comes from a culture that is to small-town culture as a rabid Hound of Tindalos with its tentacles in a knot is to a small puppy. 
Shit's gonna get weird, is what I'm saying.

If anyone wants to talk about dealing with his craziness, feel free to comment
bloodyjoyful: Beautiful and broken (Default)
Intros:
Blood. That, that's all it says here: 'blood.' Huh.

✓Friend. Friend? Friend! Friend. Friend. Friend. F̊҉̣͙̞̻̝̯͓͔̕r͉̳͙͉̖̘̿͋͞iͨ̊͒͂ͯͪ͊̽̑҉̯̞͙̲ȩ͉̓ͪ̄ͫ̿ͫ̊̍͜n̢̻̰̙̻̗̥ͬ̉ͅdͩ̅̓́̈̒ͯͫ҉̤.̨̥̮̼̼̝͖̅͛͟

The sun will never die. The other sun will last much longer than that.

Love the light. Hate the stars. Fear the dark planet lit by no sun. Strex!

We take our warmth from devouring light, in a desert from which none shall return. We take all of our warmth from our Smiling God, and we can't even tell that we burn.

Everything is just awesome!!! *Long, vaguely disturbing pause.* Awesome . . .

Oh God, I'm so cold. So cold. The sun is out, and I am still so cold!

Please don't feed the lionbees. No matter how tasty you might be.

Remember, remember--what was it, now? I forget. Eh, probably wasn't important.

It's said that there are seven people in the world who share your face, and that they all live on the same street that you do. It must be confusing!
Intern Deaths:
Intern Kev has been executed for that stupid nickname. I'm sorry, but some things really are unforgivable and the nickname 'Kev' is one of them.
Admittedly, if he'd called himself Kevin he'd have probably been executed for willfully causing confusion and name-theft, so maybe he should've thought things through a bit more before he decided to become an intern.

Intern Johnathan slipped and hit his head in the station bathroom. This is odd, because he never had a head before.

Intern Joe died in a freak rain of boiling oil.

Intern Sandy melted into a puddle, as was her greatest and silliest fear. I mean, how unlikely is that? Wait, I guess it isn't that unlikely after all, is it? Oh well.

Intern Bob somehow drowned in his coffee cup.

Intern Rachel just sort of . . . blew apart in the breeze. Weird, huh?

Intern Tim was inexplicably devoured by a giant spider with a beautiful human face. No, not that one, the other one.

Intern Kathy won the station lottery--and was therefore promptly fed to tigers, as per tradition.
Proverbs:
Curiosity killed the cat. Satisfaction made it into something beautiful and terrible, with unexpectedly shiny organs and technicolor bodily fluids.

✓Technically, you catch more flies with vinegar than with honey. Oh well.

Curiosity didn't kill the cat. The cat is in Witness Protection!

If you have your feet firmly on the ground, how are you wearing pants?

Always remember that three rights do make a left.

You complete me. Our minds are connected via telepathy and fraying wires. Also, we've been sewn together--hey, that's my arm you're using!

A horrific, be-tentacled, apple-like fruit a day keeps the psychiatric doctor hard at work.

Laugh, and the world laughs with you. You are literally incapable of crying!

Drink the Strex-Aid, it's grape flavored!
Aww, you fell over!

If the shoe doesn't fit, why do you even have it?

If you love someone, kill them. If they come back, kill them again!
Previews:
And now for a bunch of people who hate each other playing wind instruments passive-aggressively!

Stay tuned for the endless dripping of blood on tiles!

Next up, bizarre screechings from Saturn!

Stay tuned for the screaming. So much screaming.

✓Up next; the end of the universe, translated into a tuba solo!

(Linked to itself) And now for something exactly the same!
bloodyjoyful: Very nearly sad Kevin (Implants)
  • Strex vs. Tony Stark--Kevin's very existence proves that StrexCorp is evil, Tony rescues him
  • Rehabilitation by Cecil
  • 'And now the weather, Desert Bluffs'
  • Kevin has forgotten what darkness looks like
  • Deactivating Kevin's implants
  • Kevin can summon demons. He learned how as a Boy Scout.
  • Kevin learning to be less workaholic
  • Kevin and Cecil co-hosting
  • 'Productivity! You need more of it!'
  • 'Look around you, Strex. Look inside you, Strex. See what you have created, Strex. Know what you have made us into, Strex. We believe in a Smiling God. But that doesn't mean we have to love him.'
  • ''Happy 327th birthday to our eternal overlord, Richard Nixon!'
  • 'I was--I am our Voice'
  • 'Today's weather has been especially insightful.'
  • 'Of course there's no such thing as Santa Claus! There's just a bunch of drugged-up bears released by the government!'
  • 'I just love this yellow wallpaper!'
  • The regular migration of screaming creatures that hum and float
bloodyjoyful: Beautiful and broken (Default)
*A radio turns on. Then another radio. And another, and another, until there are a thousand radios whispering and howling into the open air. No one turns them on. They turn themselves on. Vague Radio Host Powers turn them on, possibly. After all, this is something that Kevin needs everyone to hear.*

Look around you, Strex. Look inside you, Strex. See what you have created, Strex. Know what you have made us into, Strex. We believe in a Smiling God. But that doesn't mean we have to love him.

F-fuck this place. I h-hate it here. You're. Not. Welcome!

It's said that if you open the average zoo animal's cage, there's a good chance it will just stare at you and then ignore the open door completely. Ye gods, but I wish I could do that right now. But the open door is in my mind, and all the memories are coming through.

Desert Bluffs wasn't so different from Night Vale, once upon a time. I can't tell you how long ago, because the drugs they filled us with made it kind of hazy and time isn't real anyway. But then StrexCorp came, and they took over everything, and people who didn't sell out started to disappear.

We noticed, we fought back, and that just made it worse. There were literal cubical drones, hordes of people with identical black eyes, and when we managed to . . . stop . . . those they opened a portal that turned night into day with a light that was the power of a sinister Smiling God.

That light made things fade. Things like defiance and memory, weapons and supplies. For a while everything was translucent, reality was burning away in the second sun. When it stopped everyone who had been out in it had black eyes and broken smiles.

I remember these things. I forgot for so long, but without the meds I remember now.

I remember being the last to fall. I remember my last farewell, speaking through the glowing night to the brainwashed and the broken. I remember when a man who looked almost like I do now killed poor Vanessa so horribly.

I remember that the first thing they had me do, once I had been brought into the light, was kill my family. It was a very effective measure to keep me from wanting to be rescued. Without them to keep me blind and happy I would remember that, and who wants to remember something like that?

So they made me loyal, and I spoke with their voice, so the town spoke with their voice. Because I was the town's Voice, after all. I kept the town in thrall, as they kept me in thrall, as that horrible light k-kept us all in . . . oh, no, I can't do this. I'm sorry.

And now, the weather.

I really don't think I can do this anymore. The things I did for them, the murders, the sacrifice, the rituals . . .  there's always been rains of blood in Desert Bluffs, but only because Strex was experimenting with time travel. Not to mention the things we did to make lunch breaks shorter, or how the StrexPets were made, or--oh gods.

*There's a good five minutes of muffled sobbing, and then:*

C-can I have my meds back, please? Th-thank you.

This has been a Fuck StrexCorp Synernists Inc. production. The hell is a Synernist, anyway?
 
The Voice of the broken people is Kevin. Do not call him Kev, it makes him sarcastic.

Very special thanks to Kevin, for being willing to have his breakdown on air. Thanks, Kev!

Today's proverb: Technically, you catch more flies with vinegar than with honey. Oh well.
bloodyjoyful: Beautiful and broken (Default)
 Cheerios, by Strex
Kevin on a box of Cheerios?

The color, the weird, worried fake smile, the huge and faceless corporation--it's perfect!

Meta stuff

Apr. 27th, 2015 01:42 am
bloodyjoyful: Beautiful and broken (Default)
I'm not sure what the Bluffs were like before Strex, but Kevin has trouble remembering in any case--so it doesn't really matter.
Kevin isn't fully human. This is completely normal for the Bluffs/Vale area, though.

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bloodyjoyful: Beautiful and broken (Default)(Free R.) Kevin

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